We are at the start of week three of nine, which blows my mind. Since it was snowing (which I love) we had to go to the gym for our run. I was very nervous about this because running in circles makes me crazy, I track each lap and feel like its a form of torture. That was so not the case today, I ran, and walked according to what my new best friend Robert Ulley told me to do. I did over twelve laps which is a little over two miles, and while I was winded at the end of it, I felt strong, and proud, which probably sounds silly. I know that to the outside, people can't tell the changes in my body, but I can. I can feel the muscles in my legs, abs and back. I can feel that I can breathe deeper than I could before (too bad I'm no longer singing) and while my pants still fit, they fit better than they did two weeks ago.
I'm amazed by what I can do, that I did two miles today and never once even considered quitting, I just kept going, and pushed myself. I am falling in love with running, which is a very strange statement coming from me.
We also made potato soup in honor of the first snow of the season! It was so yummy with the biscuits, and cheese...mmmmm.
We spent some time at the super cool cake store off of Broadway and Oxford. We needed to get some food coloring for our creepy cupcakes that we are making! It has been a great day!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
More thoughts on working out
Who would think that I'd be obsessively posting/reading about running? I don't get it. I don't know where it came from, but I like it. Nicole likes it, too. We're working out together, not in a competitive way, but in a loving, "keep going, babe" kind of way.
Last night, while we were lifting weights, I started to get a headache, and decided I wouldn't do the last two machines since I didn't feel up to it. Nicole said, flat out: "That sounds like the old Libby Colorado."
And it struck me. Was I making an excuse so I wouldn't have to finish? Do I like the idea of being an athlete / of working out, but can't follow through? I had to see.
She left to walk around the gym (she was finished with her machines), and I decided to buckle down and try. There were only two machines left, why not? So I did three reps on both of them. I could have stopped at two, but I felt I had something to prove. A headache from doing an ab workout was not going to stop me. My weight gain was not going to stop me. My brain telling me, "You're done, take a break" was not going to stop me. I had to push through.
I've read a lot of people's comments about running -- how even after they've been runners for years, the first mile or two SUCKS. It hurts. You have to find a rhythm. One person said that she hates the first two miles, wants to quit every time, but after those two miles are done, she can run for ten easily. And she has never quit.
I quit smoking (64 days!), I quit drinking soda, and I quit fast food. I don't need to quit anything else. I'm going to push through. Tomorrow is Week 2, Day 3 -- and we're going to run in the early morning.
By the way, and just so it's out there (again), I love my wife.
Last night, while we were lifting weights, I started to get a headache, and decided I wouldn't do the last two machines since I didn't feel up to it. Nicole said, flat out: "That sounds like the old Libby Colorado."
And it struck me. Was I making an excuse so I wouldn't have to finish? Do I like the idea of being an athlete / of working out, but can't follow through? I had to see.
She left to walk around the gym (she was finished with her machines), and I decided to buckle down and try. There were only two machines left, why not? So I did three reps on both of them. I could have stopped at two, but I felt I had something to prove. A headache from doing an ab workout was not going to stop me. My weight gain was not going to stop me. My brain telling me, "You're done, take a break" was not going to stop me. I had to push through.
I've read a lot of people's comments about running -- how even after they've been runners for years, the first mile or two SUCKS. It hurts. You have to find a rhythm. One person said that she hates the first two miles, wants to quit every time, but after those two miles are done, she can run for ten easily. And she has never quit.
I quit smoking (64 days!), I quit drinking soda, and I quit fast food. I don't need to quit anything else. I'm going to push through. Tomorrow is Week 2, Day 3 -- and we're going to run in the early morning.
By the way, and just so it's out there (again), I love my wife.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
letting go
Yesterday as I was leaving for work,I grabbed my keys off of my mirrored key hook by my front door. Stuck square in the middle of the mirror was a post it note that said "I love you more than anything in the world". I smiled as I read the note and noticed my reflection in the mirror. This was the first time in months that I recognized myself, and knew that at last, I am happy again.
My depression goes beyond the mess that occurred this summer, I have lost friends in the past year who I thought would be in my life forever. It has taken me almost a year to come to terms with the fact that they will not be, and that as much as I loved them, they are all emotionally stunted, and not actually healthy people for me to be around. I spent days in bed crying, and some mornings would just wake up sobbing I couldn't seem to get over the loss, and felt like there was no end in sight. This was never a problem for me in the past. I had overcome much greater challenges in my life, and while they were devastating events, I always knew that I would be ok.
What happened this summer took an emotional toll on me, and while each day I woke up and functioned, I never felt happy. I couldn't relax, I always wanted to be somewhere else, to be someone else. I let the words of others crush me and doubted who I was as a person. I couldn't let go of my anger, and move forward with my life.
From July through September, I took prescription ambien to sleep every night. I knew that I couldn't rely on that forever, so when the bottle ran out, I decided not to refill. I was taking Benadryl and sometimes Melatonin. The night before the sticky note arrived, I did not take anything to sleep. I fell asleep all on my own, and slept through the night without any problems.
I feel like myself again, my happy, sarcastic, loving self. I don't know if part of it was the return of Liz's stuff to the house, or what triggered it, but I have let go, and let her in. I feel amazing, am working out like a fiend, eating well, sleeping well and enjoying each day. I'm happy, so very happy.
My depression goes beyond the mess that occurred this summer, I have lost friends in the past year who I thought would be in my life forever. It has taken me almost a year to come to terms with the fact that they will not be, and that as much as I loved them, they are all emotionally stunted, and not actually healthy people for me to be around. I spent days in bed crying, and some mornings would just wake up sobbing I couldn't seem to get over the loss, and felt like there was no end in sight. This was never a problem for me in the past. I had overcome much greater challenges in my life, and while they were devastating events, I always knew that I would be ok.
What happened this summer took an emotional toll on me, and while each day I woke up and functioned, I never felt happy. I couldn't relax, I always wanted to be somewhere else, to be someone else. I let the words of others crush me and doubted who I was as a person. I couldn't let go of my anger, and move forward with my life.
From July through September, I took prescription ambien to sleep every night. I knew that I couldn't rely on that forever, so when the bottle ran out, I decided not to refill. I was taking Benadryl and sometimes Melatonin. The night before the sticky note arrived, I did not take anything to sleep. I fell asleep all on my own, and slept through the night without any problems.
I feel like myself again, my happy, sarcastic, loving self. I don't know if part of it was the return of Liz's stuff to the house, or what triggered it, but I have let go, and let her in. I feel amazing, am working out like a fiend, eating well, sleeping well and enjoying each day. I'm happy, so very happy.
Living in the moment
It's difficult for me to be in the moment, to experience the "now." I drift off so often, thinking back, thinking ahead, but what about right now?
I'm supposed to experience the senses of now -- what do I see, feel, hear, smell, taste? What am I experiencing NOW?
This was a lot easier last night when I was running. We ran outside for the first time, and I kept thinking to myself about how my legs felt, how my feet touched the ground, how my shoulders felt, what the houses looked like, what the air smelled like. There was no time to think of anything else, just living in the moment.
Maybe that's why my DBT classes and running are fitting so perfectly together. They are allowing me to experience my life from a different (and better) perspective.
I drove to work this morning thinking about how much I love my life. I have a woman who loves me, a great home, and a new, healthy routine. My life is very satisfying.
I'm supposed to experience the senses of now -- what do I see, feel, hear, smell, taste? What am I experiencing NOW?
This was a lot easier last night when I was running. We ran outside for the first time, and I kept thinking to myself about how my legs felt, how my feet touched the ground, how my shoulders felt, what the houses looked like, what the air smelled like. There was no time to think of anything else, just living in the moment.
Maybe that's why my DBT classes and running are fitting so perfectly together. They are allowing me to experience my life from a different (and better) perspective.
I drove to work this morning thinking about how much I love my life. I have a woman who loves me, a great home, and a new, healthy routine. My life is very satisfying.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
No restaurants for us...
I just asked Nicole if it's been a week since we've gone out to eat, or had any meal outside of our home, and the answer was yes. It's probably been longer than a week by now.
I like the life we're building for ourselves; it's healthier in many ways. I'm glad to be home with her at night, eating whatever is left over or something new or a bowl of Golden Grahams, and just talking with her, playing with our dogs, or getting ready to work out together.
I have no desire to eat at a restaurant, either, which is VERY strange for me. I love food. Hence, I have plenty of weight to lose. But I am not craving restaurant food or fast food or anything of that nature; I just want to go home, make a salad, and run for thirty minutes. Not bad.
I like the life we're building for ourselves; it's healthier in many ways. I'm glad to be home with her at night, eating whatever is left over or something new or a bowl of Golden Grahams, and just talking with her, playing with our dogs, or getting ready to work out together.
I have no desire to eat at a restaurant, either, which is VERY strange for me. I love food. Hence, I have plenty of weight to lose. But I am not craving restaurant food or fast food or anything of that nature; I just want to go home, make a salad, and run for thirty minutes. Not bad.
Monday, October 5, 2009
number 71 aka giving up soda!
First off, let me say that right now, it is taking effort to type this. My arms are shaking so badly from tonight's workout, so everyone (all three people who are reading this) must appreciate what I am about to say....
I gave up soda, which I didn't think was going to be a big deal at all, but turns out, it is.
I never thought that I drank the stuff all that much, only when I go out to eat, and occasionally at work. A cherry coke in the afternoon helped get me through the last two hours of the day, and let's face it, it's delicious. So when we gave up going out to eat for the first two weeks of the month, it made total sense to give up soda at the same time.
So I am sitting at work this afternoon on the fifth day of the no soda spree, and my head is pounding, and I'm tired and all I want to do is scavange through my purse and find the 65 cents to go buy a cherry coke...and that's when it occurs to me that I am totally and completely addicted to the caffiene. I never would have thought that I was because I am not a coffee drinker. I don't have to start my day off with a cup of joe, but my body for sure was craving that little pick me up. No matter how much water I drank, my head still pounded away.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day, that the headaches will subside, and I don't have to work until a million o'clock, becuase I really don't want to cave, and drink a delicious coke. I'm really looking forward to the time when I don't even think of soda as an option for drinking. It feels great to be thinking in a healthier state of mind.
I gave up soda, which I didn't think was going to be a big deal at all, but turns out, it is.
I never thought that I drank the stuff all that much, only when I go out to eat, and occasionally at work. A cherry coke in the afternoon helped get me through the last two hours of the day, and let's face it, it's delicious. So when we gave up going out to eat for the first two weeks of the month, it made total sense to give up soda at the same time.
So I am sitting at work this afternoon on the fifth day of the no soda spree, and my head is pounding, and I'm tired and all I want to do is scavange through my purse and find the 65 cents to go buy a cherry coke...and that's when it occurs to me that I am totally and completely addicted to the caffiene. I never would have thought that I was because I am not a coffee drinker. I don't have to start my day off with a cup of joe, but my body for sure was craving that little pick me up. No matter how much water I drank, my head still pounded away.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day, that the headaches will subside, and I don't have to work until a million o'clock, becuase I really don't want to cave, and drink a delicious coke. I'm really looking forward to the time when I don't even think of soda as an option for drinking. It feels great to be thinking in a healthier state of mind.
Week 2 of training
Nicole and I started week 2 of Couch to 5K training yesterday; we both had that "oh my goodness, I want to die" look on our faces. I am baffled as to how I'm going to work my way up to 3.2 miles. Yesterday was 1.75 miles, and heavens, that was enough.
My body feels differently, though. I have not stepped on a scale to start the working out process, but I can notice a difference in how my body looks. I worked out four times last week, and am planning on at least four times this week (resting is important, too).
Tonight, our plan is to jog around the track once, work on strength through machines, and then go in the pool and hot tub. Sounds like a good evening to me!
Also, I marked off number 47 from the list because I have officially driven the car successfully -- which, in my world, means that I shifted gears without thinking. It was a great drive to the store!
My body feels differently, though. I have not stepped on a scale to start the working out process, but I can notice a difference in how my body looks. I worked out four times last week, and am planning on at least four times this week (resting is important, too).
Tonight, our plan is to jog around the track once, work on strength through machines, and then go in the pool and hot tub. Sounds like a good evening to me!
Also, I marked off number 47 from the list because I have officially driven the car successfully -- which, in my world, means that I shifted gears without thinking. It was a great drive to the store!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)